Me: Is it always this way?
Grief: Is what?
Me: Don’t patronize me. Grief. You. Do I always have to feel this way?
Grief: I wasn’t patronizing you. I am asking what you mean by grief. I mean different things to different people.
Me: You mean sadness. Even you have to know that.
Grief: Ah yes. For most that is my initial effect. I wish it wasn’t so. It never really goes away forever. And that’s ok. It’s not what is most important.
Me: Then what is?
Grief: What’s next.
Me: Oh you mean the “steps” they all talk about? I know there are focus groups for this kind of thing.
Grief: (smiles) They mean well, but no. Why are you worried about them?
Me: Well I guess… Aren’t they all watching?
Grief: It shouldn’t matter to you.
Me: I admit it does.
Grief: Look farther.
Me: (thinking)
Grief: (patient)
Me: Listen, I can feel something pulling me. It feels... different. And different can be scary.
Grief: Different to who.
Me: Well, to everything, I guess.
Grief: Humans just complicate it. It’s the most natural way. Why would you all be here together?
Me: Well, I don’t know, so we can look around and see how we are doing?
Grief: Comparison (shakes head). That is what robs you of grace. Close your eyes and concentrate–like you don’t care what anyone else thinks.
Me: (eyes closed. time. calm. more time. clarity.)
Grief: (smiles)
Me: I see. You are to change me. I feel it.
Grief: (smiles knowingly) Feel what?
Me: Empathy. Compassion. Love.
Grief: I prefer this to sadness, don’t you?
Me: I’m not sure what to do with this.
Grief: After you, it’s them. Show them.
Me: How?
Grief: The same way you were brought to see it. Thought. Quiet. Prayer. Meditation. Nature. Love.
Me: I’ll do my best.
Grief: That’s all I can ask. He will make up the rest.
-hb mercy
(photo taken together at a beach that's great for sunsets. is there another kind?)
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